.if i could talk, i'd tell you.






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   Tuesday, March 01, 2011  
Where I see us in far away skies I could not say where I am lost the darkness falls upon the day
   posted by rudi at 9:15 PM

   Saturday, November 13, 2010  
In tumultuous weather
Keep it together
Things might be getting better
Keep it together
Options go on forever
Keep it together
The most trying of endeavours

You know the rest
   posted by rudi at 8:16 AM

   Thursday, November 04, 2010  
I've officially stopped looking for answers and will instead make the rules up as I go. Might not the the best way but its sure as hell more fun!
   posted by rudi at 7:34 AM

   Wednesday, October 20, 2010  
you have fallen away
my most imaginary friend
   posted by rudi at 8:10 AM

   Wednesday, August 11, 2010  
great great night out with dear friends in Perth
   posted by rudi at 12:22 PM

   Sunday, July 25, 2010  
I really hope this EFT thing works
   posted by rudi at 5:19 AM

   Thursday, July 22, 2010  
working on it
   posted by rudi at 12:34 AM

   Thursday, July 01, 2010  
gotta shake off this shitty feeling somehow
   posted by rudi at 9:23 AM

   Wednesday, June 30, 2010  
quite possibly lonely
   posted by rudi at 8:10 AM

   Wednesday, May 26, 2010  
I feel a sudden wave of great energy rushing through me. Hot drinks, good company and everything. Roll with it and without a doubt, I can do it :)

   posted by rudi at 8:53 AM

   Wednesday, May 05, 2010  
meds? Yes or no?
   posted by rudi at 2:57 AM

   Friday, April 30, 2010  
not doing good today
   posted by rudi at 12:38 AM

   Monday, March 08, 2010  
i wanna talk but the escape me
   posted by rudi at 7:05 PM

   Wednesday, March 03, 2010  
   posted by rudi at 8:22 AM

   Tuesday, March 02, 2010  
time to get a move on!
   posted by rudi at 9:32 PM

   Sunday, February 21, 2010  
things are getting the move on, good stuff
   posted by rudi at 7:47 PM  
same place different year. Not feeling very sociable and missing home at the moment :(
   posted by rudi at 3:52 AM

   Monday, September 21, 2009  
Old boy to young man

Its about time!
   posted by rudi at 11:42 AM

   Wednesday, September 02, 2009  
man i really am dorky
   posted by rudi at 9:58 AM

   Monday, August 24, 2009  
learning more in the past 8 months than i have in the past 3-4 years. wow
   posted by rudi at 11:22 PM

   Tuesday, August 18, 2009  
should the day all this popularity nonsense fades away, I shall always keep in mind that I have friends, family, band members and a community of people close to me that will always be there.

Feet on the ground, head only in the clouds to get ideas.

Feet firmly on the ground.
   posted by rudi at 9:36 AM

   Sunday, August 16, 2009  
always learning, one step at a time
   posted by rudi at 8:05 AM

   Tuesday, May 19, 2009  

Just ow.
   posted by rudi at 11:53 PM

   Tuesday, May 12, 2009  
Since i started this blog in 02, other mediums such as Twitter, Facebook, Friendster,Myspace and so on have sprouted up, all of which have come to portray a certain side of my online identity.

This space, my dearest of friends, my most trusted and longstanding bunch of acquaintances, bros, ex-flames turned into the most luminous of confidants, people i've had a crush on, people whom i could've sworn i'll hate for life (but have decided to not bear a grudge on anyone as of 2005), people who are probably ignoring me, people that are quietly observing this blog, people that have made friends with me through the anonymous wonder of the internet, spambots and so on, is where i go on about what really matters the most.

So here goes:

I never thought i'd see myself out of my mild but significant depression.


Thank you and I love you guys
   posted by rudi at 9:56 AM

   Tuesday, February 24, 2009  
i'm really digging all this living on my own :)
   posted by rudi at 6:10 AM

   Tuesday, January 06, 2009  
   posted by rudi at 3:48 AM

   Saturday, December 06, 2008  
On a side note i think i had it wrong all along
Don't care just do
Even if people don't follow you
   posted by rudi at 12:44 PM  
Today feels pretty alright
There's a party going on in my head
To celebrate not much
A bunch of not much, and so be it :)
   posted by rudi at 12:44 PM

   Sunday, November 30, 2008  
My time on earth is my only penny
Wise is the gent counting every moment spent
I don't want to explain things, don't want to fill in the gaps
I want to look at my friends and in that minute be at
Memories are times we borrow from spending tomorrow

Memories are times we borrow from spending tomorrow
   posted by rudi at 11:55 AM  
Nothing like some Long Island post-hardcore kick my ass back on track.

Thank you Glassjaw
   posted by rudi at 8:37 AM

   Friday, November 28, 2008  
Stay. Don't run. Face it.
   posted by rudi at 8:08 AM  
Times like these i can't help but think that i'm actually a lousy person putting on his best behaviour in hopes that no one would find out.
   posted by rudi at 6:08 AM

   Tuesday, November 25, 2008  
   posted by rudi at 8:25 AM

   Monday, November 24, 2008  

   posted by rudi at 6:58 PM

   Friday, November 14, 2008  
No Man is an Island- by Joan Baez

No man is an island,
No man stands alone,
Each man's joy, is joy to me,
Each man's grief is my own.

We need one another,
So I will defend,
Each man as my brother,
Each man as my friend.

I saw the people gather,
I heard the music start,
The song that they are singing,
Is singing in my heart.

No man is an island,
Way out in the blue,
We all look to the one above,
For our strength to renew.

When I help my brother,
Then I know that I,
Plant the seed of friendship
That will never die.

Get well soon Chi Cheng
   posted by rudi at 12:34 AM

   Tuesday, November 04, 2008  
If life is a routine...

What do you do when you hate routines?
   posted by rudi at 9:09 AM

   Wednesday, October 15, 2008  
I'm gonna tell you what i'm gonna do later and see if I actually stick to it.

1. Wake up at 9 and reward myself with breakfast bee hoon if i stick to it.
3. Jog
4. Settle band promos
5. Bank
6. Haircut
7. Return DVDs
8. Clear room

I have no plans on disappointing myself€
   posted by rudi at 9:18 AM

   Tuesday, September 30, 2008  
Classical CD Guides

Top 10 Classicals CDs

No 8. Tchaikovsky: "Pathétique" Symphony -- Mariss Jansons
So tragic it must have been written by a Russian.

   posted by rudi at 2:10 AM

   Saturday, September 27, 2008  
i love girls but for the most part they are an act. pure and simple. if they arent trying to impress guys, they are trying to impress each other. its a masquerade and its dumb - as found on an online forum
   posted by rudi at 9:54 AM

   Thursday, September 18, 2008  
I stared until you were no longer in view
Just dust in my eyes
A dot on the horizon
Blends with the sky
Fades out of sight
   posted by rudi at 6:09 PM

   Wednesday, September 10, 2008  
And after the snow went away
you stood by the fire
with an armfull of wood
in your charcoal empire.

And you smeared all the ashes
all over your body
smothering the remnants
of the swollen memories.

You ran to the forest
a cold sanctuary
the last breath of snowflakes
swallowed beneath.
   posted by rudi at 7:24 AM

   Sunday, August 31, 2008  
what are you doing
crashing and burning
what are you doing
crashing and burning
what are you doing
crashing and burning
what are you doing
crashing and burning
what are you doing
crashing and burning
where are you heading
   posted by rudi at 7:28 PM  
its seems as though you meant it
when you almost drowned
   posted by rudi at 9:38 AM

   Tuesday, August 26, 2008  
you know everytime i spot quaint cafes and homey lil family restaurants, i start to think how wonderful it'd be to have someone to patronise that spot with.
   posted by rudi at 5:53 AM

   Friday, August 22, 2008  

This is the chance i'm taking, but only this once.
   posted by rudi at 7:42 PM

   Monday, August 11, 2008  

Education: Clearer

Band: Clearer but not as clear as it can be


Love: Myself first. It's surprisingly hard to do sometimes, especially if plans are uncertain, you'll be surprised how slow I can be on these things.

I'll probably sound damn churchy for saying this but thank god for the people surrounding me :)
   posted by rudi at 8:26 AM

   Tuesday, July 22, 2008  
Driftwood - Travis

Everything is open
Nothing is set in stone
Rivers turn to ocean
Oceans tide you home
Home is where your heart is
But your heart had to roam
Drifting over bridges
Never to return
Watching bridges burn

You're driftwood floating underwater
Breaking into pieces pieces pieces
Just driftwood hollow and of no use
Waterfalls will find you
bind you
grind you

Nobody is an island
Everyone has to go
Pillars turn to butter
Butterflying low
Low is where your heart is
But your heart has to grow
Drifting under bridges
Never with the flow

And you really didnt think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line
So Im sorry that you turned to driftwood
But youve been drifting for a long long time

Everywhere theres trouble
Nowheres safe to go
Pushes turn to shovels
Shovelling the snow
Frozen you have chosen
The path you wish to go
Drifting now forever
And forever more
Until you reach your shore

Youre driftwood floating underwater
Breaking into pieces p ieces pieces
Just driftwood hollow and of no use
Waterfalls will find you bind you grind you

And you really didnt think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line
So Im sorry that you turned to driftwood
But youve been drifting for a long long time
Youve been drifting for a long time
   posted by rudi at 9:12 AM

   Tuesday, July 01, 2008  
...will not confuse me this time round but provide me more perspective!
   posted by rudi at 8:24 AM

   Sunday, June 29, 2008  

hee hee hee. Who'd ever thought i'd end up doing something like this?
   posted by rudi at 9:46 AM

   Friday, June 27, 2008  
Because timing is everything
   posted by rudi at 10:31 PM

   Thursday, June 26, 2008  
k status check:

Education? Digging into it

Plans for the year? Still sorting

Recording? In motion

Job? See how next week

   posted by rudi at 1:48 AM  
yo yo yo
check check check
lets get this thing started again
   posted by rudi at 1:47 AM

   Saturday, September 22, 2007  
Artist: Hum
Song: Apollo
Album: Downward Is Heavenward

I'm thinking of a number between everything and two.
I'm thinking of a number between everything and two.

She said you can find a space between my arms if you will stay,
like if we ignore the systems,
they'll just blink out and quickly go away.

She said I'll keep all the signals that you send home to me,
and I'll meet you back here on the ground.
It's lift off, lift off again.
She's pissed off, pissed off again.

Moonlight brings me back again to stay,
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through.
Tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone,
and never ever stepping out into.
Blankness and darkness, like underneath the leaf,
have settled on me here and scraped away the sound.

She said you can find a place inside my heart if you will stay,
and I need you back here on the ground.
It's lift off, lift off again.
She's pissed off, pissed off again.

Moonlight brings me back again to stay,
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through.
Tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone,
and never ever stepping out into.

I'm thinking of a number between everything and two.

And moonlight brings me back again to stay,
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through.
Tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone,
and never ever stepping out into.
And moonlight brings me back again this day,
and I don't feel a thing here anymore.
The strings of information slowing to a stop,
the tether's end is slipping from its knot, I'm stretching out in two.

I'm thinking of a number between everything and two.
I'm thinking of a number between everything and two,
and it's molecules of you.
   posted by rudi at 1:21 PM

   Friday, July 13, 2007  
Maybe it's the moon
That might get to you soon
   posted by rudi at 5:36 AM

   Monday, May 21, 2007  
Another rare instance occurred in the episode "That Smarts", in which Brain uses a device to increase Pinky's intelligence. Brain asks Pinky, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" and Pinky, now being a genius, responds, "Yes, I am."
   posted by rudi at 12:04 PM  
Brain uses a machine that can increase or decrease intelligence, and uses it so that Pinky can become smart enough to understand that he is the cause of Brain's failures, due to research Brain conducted. (Brain will later discover he miscalculated his research, and that he himself is the cause of his failures.) Pinky, depressed over the fact that Brain doesn't like him when he is smart, uses the machine to make himself stupid, so Brain will like him again. However, Brain, realizing he has botched his own plans, and believing both of them to be better off with Pinky as the genius and Brain as a moron, uses the machine on himself as well. In the end, both of them are idiots, and thus, are too dumb to operate the machine and restore either of them to their intelligent selves. This is reflected in the episode's final lines.

Pinky: What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Pinky: What's that?
Brain: ...I have no idea.
Pinky: Poit.
Brain: Narf.
   posted by rudi at 12:01 PM

   Thursday, April 12, 2007  
Choices that he has made, moulds to most of this.
   posted by rudi at 10:54 AM

   Sunday, October 15, 2006  
"Even at the point when we wanted to kick Chino out, I don't think we would've done it," admits the guitarist. "He would've had to really push us and say, 'Go ahead, kick me out.'

"He's just one of us. We're all the same. There might be something else, we might go from project to project, and it might take forever for us to start something else, but we'll never break up. I don't ever want to do a reunion tour. That's so gay."

Right on Stephen Carpenter, right on.
   posted by rudi at 11:21 AM

   Thursday, September 21, 2006  
Love Steals Us From Loneliness - Idlewild

Every step takes a beat of your heart
Through a city thats falling apart
On a night that rises and clears
In a sky thats clouded by years.

My anger is a form of madness
And so i'd rather have hope than sadness.

You said something stupid like
love steals us from loneliness
'happy birthday'
are you lonely yet?

I misplaced in your face in the shape of a smile
On a night that could never surprise me
Don't tell me you're afraid of the past
It's only the future that didn't last

You're kidding yourself (kidding yourself)
You're going nowhere
and going there fast.

You said something stupid like
love steals us from loneliness.

Happy birthday old boy.
   posted by rudi at 1:39 PM

   Monday, August 14, 2006  
"Eh remember to turn off all the lights before we go."

"What for? We'll be back in a bit anyway."

"No we won't."

"Oh yah."

September 1985 - August 2006
R.I.P 33 Jalan Rendang, Singapore 428361
   posted by rudi at 12:08 PM

   Wednesday, August 09, 2006  
we're so wonderful
so untouchable
and just when it thought it was under control
everything just starts to slip
right through my fingers
finding its way to its tips.
I'll try and forget
but all i can taste is your lips.

we're so wonderful
so untouchable
you're the biggest part of me.
   posted by rudi at 1:53 AM

   Sunday, August 06, 2006  
Oh no, it's that Sunday evening feeling again. :(
   posted by rudi at 4:18 AM

   Saturday, August 05, 2006  
You have not betrayed your ideals
Your ideals betrayed you
What are you gonna do?
Your eyes will not close
Your tongue barely speaks
But I can still feel you

So come on relax,
Let the changes in.
Relax, grin
Let the laughter begin.

05/08/06 past midnight (technically 06/08/06(
DJ Shadow.
   posted by rudi at 3:13 PM

   Thursday, August 03, 2006  
And I heard'em say
Nothing's ever promised tomorrow today
Nothing lasts for ever lets be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only the way.

- Kanye West
   posted by rudi at 12:06 AM

   Thursday, July 13, 2006  
2 weeks of blissful unemployment.

Cuz patience is a friend i have yet to catch up with.
   posted by rudi at 12:13 PM

   Tuesday, July 11, 2006  
Syd Barret (1946-2006)

With everything said, you'd still deserve to know.
   posted by rudi at 9:06 PM

   Sunday, July 09, 2006  
In a mouth kept shut
In a tongued twist tie
You're the web in front
Of my favourite lie.
   posted by rudi at 3:39 PM  
Well ain't you lucky?

I could scream at the stars in vain
but i guess that would not bear any light of day.

Somewhere between searching desperately to find the lucky few who have the new deftones song 'Beware The Water' and scanning theprp, rollingstone and lost theories, i'll get by.

To be totally honest, I bear no grudge.

Angels are meant to ascend to Heaven.
   posted by rudi at 3:10 PM

   Saturday, July 08, 2006  
"How many movies do you do a year?"
"Last year, I think I did three."
"Don't do too many."
"Why is that?"
"Because we only have so many faces in our pockets."

- Marlon Brando (RIP) to Johnny Depp
   posted by rudi at 4:56 AM

   Wednesday, July 05, 2006  
If you were here, I'd tell you all about:

The young,confused one that can only connect through body language.
Boarding a bus to Ipoh by accident and walking the Ipoh highway with $20 and 50CDS.
The one that cracked my bones and loosened me up so good I lost 5kg subsequently.
A conversation with an old man who lost the love of his life.
How peoples faces change when they realise he didn't make it.
The thief whom I used to copy mother tongue assignments from.
Self professed 'Robin Hoods' that only stole from their own kind.
The colleague who dated one of your best friends.
The older,witty one that can only not connect through body language.

...and then i'll run to you and say that i've seen enough, and we'll bask in this warm embrace for eternity.
   posted by rudi at 11:57 AM

   Saturday, June 24, 2006  
Step on a crack, break your momma's back
   posted by rudi at 1:52 PM

   Saturday, June 17, 2006  
Always the same old taste, just new injury.
   posted by rudi at 4:02 AM  
"This is the stuff I don't want to talk about, because it's bullshit, and you had to have been there," he tells me, taking a pull from a cigarette. "It was really fucking intense: These were pure feelings coming out from real individuals and were being co-opted quickly by the masses and characterized into a joke. And we weren't a joke." - Eddie Vedder
   posted by rudi at 3:46 AM

   Thursday, June 15, 2006  
I don't get all this fuss about dying alone. It's pretty obvious innit?
   posted by rudi at 9:09 AM

   Tuesday, June 13, 2006  
I've done so much research about it that the element of surprise has turned into that of guilt. I'm not going to.
   posted by rudi at 11:03 AM

   Sunday, June 11, 2006  
I met an old japanese man that loves bak kut teh!
   posted by rudi at 2:24 PM

   Saturday, May 27, 2006  
So we maybe gorgeous
So we maybe famous
Come back when we're getting old

Cover us in chocolate
Sell us to the neighbours
Frame us on a video

Clone us in a test tube
Sell us to the multitude
Guess that's the price of fame

She likes the black one
He likes the the posh one
Cute ones are usually gay

Here we come this is our destiny calling
We're freaks
This is our destiny calling
This is our destiny calling now

Don't believe the adverts
Don't believe the experts
Everyone will sell our souls

Get a little wiser
Get a little humble
Now we know that we don't know

Tell us when our time's up
Show us how to die well
Show us how to let it all go

Here we come this is our destiny calling
We're freaks
This is our destiny calling
This is our destiny calling now

Some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
This game is fixed it's all a lie
Some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
This time is good, there's no straight lines
Some fat cat's playing the roulette with lives
Forget myself we're all entwined
There's no straight lines

Here we come this our destiny calling
We're freaks
This is our destiny calling
This is our destiny calling now

Here we come this our destiny calling
We're freaks
This is our destiny calling
This is our destiny calling now

This is our destiny calling
   posted by rudi at 6:36 PM

   Saturday, May 20, 2006  
Have I ever told you since the longest of time that evenings always bum the fuck outta me? Talking bout the 6-7pm period, the taking over duty of the moon from the sun. People finally in the motion of returning home after thinking about it all day. I understand how some people absolutely love it, but it just bums the fuck out of me.
   posted by rudi at 4:02 AM

   Friday, May 19, 2006  
chances are if you like portishead, you smoke.
   posted by rudi at 8:19 PM

   Tuesday, May 16, 2006  
And now, wise words from Rowdy Roddy Piper.

* "Just when they think they got the answers, I change the questions."
* "Real men wear kilts."
* "You don't throw rocks at a man with a machine gun!"
* "I am your reality check!"
* "Ric Flair, the Slim Whitman of Pro-Wrestling."
* "I'm the reason Hulk Hogan lost his hair!"
* "Russia gives us Nikolai Volkoff, and we give them MTV and 2 Live Crew. Fair trade, huh?"
* "Nature Boy, what's that? Do you run around the forest like Euell Gibbons, eating bark or something?"
* "Jerry Lawler walks in here with his crown - DA DA DUM - Imperial Margerine - and talks about what he's going to do to me. Lawler, if you think you're going to beat me, if you think you can do ANYTHING to me, than you really are the king. King of FOOLS, jack!!"
* "Rowdy Roddy cut his locks; but don't worry woman, he's still a fox."
* "I'm so quick, I could spit in the wind, duck, and let it hit the old lady behind me."
* "I don't need to know how tough I am to know how tough I am."
* "Ric Flair, you once called me a woman. Well how does it feel to get beat by a woman?"
* "I walk so fast, I talk so fast, I could turn the light off and be in bed before the room's dark!"
* "Your stupidity is something you're born with."
* "The boss is back."
* "My name is Rowdy Roddy Piper and you ain't seen nothin' yet!"
* "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum."
* "Rowdy Roddy Piper"
   posted by rudi at 10:35 AM

   Saturday, May 13, 2006  
   posted by rudi at 10:51 AM

   Friday, May 12, 2006  
   posted by rudi at 4:22 AM

   Monday, May 08, 2006  
One celebrated argument that Adams put forward on the subject of religion is that of the sentient puddle: refuting the suggestion that the existence of God and his love for us is proved by the fact that the world is perfectly designed for our needs, he compared such thinkers to an intelligent puddle of water. Pleased with itself and certain that the hole in the ground it occupies must have been designed specifically for it, since it fits so well in it, the puddle looks up to the sun above and worships its divine benefactor. The fate of the puddle, of course, is to exist happily under the sun until it has entirely evaporated. - Douglas Adams
   posted by rudi at 9:01 PM

   Friday, April 28, 2006  
"Trust not in their appearance for the Eldar are as utterly alien to good, honest men as the vile Tyranids and savage Orks. They are capricious and fickle, attacking without cause or warning. There is no understanding them for there is nothing to understand - they are a random force in the universe."
—Imperial Commander Abriel Hume

   posted by rudi at 8:08 AM

   Monday, April 24, 2006  
If birds of a feather stick together, where are you? :(
   posted by rudi at 7:04 PM

   Saturday, April 01, 2006  
We could talk about it until the cows come home, or whatever that means. I sincerely apologise for any odd behaviour on behalf of Rudi Osman of late. I haven't exactly been myself in a while (egad, or maybe all my life)

Funny how they say if you have something on your mind, it's best to get it off your chest. Thing is, what happens if the words escape you?

An eerie PC game I played when in primary 5 comes to mind. It involves 5 deeply tortured individuals who live in a post-apocalyptic future, under the whim of a perverse computer. Each individual lacks one basic human sensory organ and is put through a specific simulation meant to work against his or her disability.

The name of the game?
I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream.
   posted by rudi at 12:57 PM

   Wednesday, March 15, 2006  
I think i know it all.

Can I be sure of all the things i've got to know about?

I am now standing above irene.
   posted by rudi at 10:14 AM  
hello. this is irene. and my chapati is bigger than yours. if i could speak, i would scream. if i could cough, i will have tuberculosis. if i can play guitar, i'll be gay.

yes. love.
   posted by rudi at 7:11 AM

   Wednesday, February 15, 2006  
Times like these i can't help but wonder what popular celebrities do when they're bored.
   posted by rudi at 4:59 AM

   Sunday, February 12, 2006  
To complete the abovementioned sentence.

If i could talk, i'd tell you
When I can smile i'd let you know.
You have fallen away
(my most imaginary friend)

- Evan Dando, Lemonheads
   posted by rudi at 9:01 PM

   Saturday, February 04, 2006  
Aww c'mon, as if you can't tell its a Japanese product just by its name alone.
   posted by rudi at 7:41 PM

   Wednesday, January 18, 2006  
They'll miss by a long shot.
Not by a long shot.
   posted by rudi at 9:46 AM

   Monday, January 16, 2006  
luna grace
lewd embrace?
although my pain is so great.
   posted by rudi at 9:22 AM

   Sunday, January 01, 2006  
There's a disease going around the hospital.
Green green leaves, falling from trees.
You've got to run away.
You've got to stay in bed.

Happy new years!
   posted by rudi at 2:07 AM

   Saturday, December 24, 2005  
Some say it's about being in the right place at the right time.

I say it's about being in the right place with the right wine.

Merry Xmas everyoneee

*sings old 70's hippie anthem that i can't recall the artiste or song name*
Everybodyyyys having a greaaaat timeee
spreadinnn round theee peeaaccee sigggnnn
   posted by rudi at 11:40 PM

   Wednesday, December 21, 2005  
Insomnia by Wintersleep.

I will not grow tired
of crayon stars and fire
the sunlight has punctured
tiny holes of life

i closed my eyes
i held my breath
i prayed for light
and gasped for oxygen
it wasn't there
i couldn't see
i prayed for light
to scare the shadow out of me
i couldn't sleep
   posted by rudi at 9:34 AM

   Tuesday, November 01, 2005  
I might not be sure of many things,
but I am always glad you're here.
   posted by rudi at 9:16 AM

   Monday, October 31, 2005  
Furniture : Singapore Tour 2005 Press Release.

Guys I need your opinion. Do help me pick one out yeah?


Fresh off a mesmerising performance at Baybeats 2005, you are invited once again to soak in the lush, ambient sounds of Kuala-Lumpur post-rock veterans Furniture. Supporting acts include KLPHQ (KL), local artistes Life Without Dreams and The Subway Stars. Sunday 27th Nov at the Substation Guinness Theater. $8 at the door, 6pm onwards. For more info, please head to www.earsofa.com/tour.html.


Come soak in the lush, ambient sounds of Kuala-Lumpur post-rock veterans Furniture. Supporting acts include KLPHQ (KL), local artistes Life Without Dreams and The Subway Stars. Sunday 27th Nov at the Substation Guinness Theater. $8 at the door, 6pm onwards. For more info, please head to www.earsofa.com/tour.html.


In support of their sweeping debut album Twilight Chases The Sun comes the melancholic Kuala Lumpur based post-rock group Furniture. Supporting acts include KLPHQ (KL), local artistes Life Without Dreams and The Subway Stars. Sunday 27th Nov at the Substation Guinness Theater. $8 at the door, 6pm onwards. For more info, please head to www.earsofa.com/tour.html.
   posted by rudi at 10:56 PM

   Monday, October 17, 2005  
The grandest of delusions i suffer,
Like a wonky computer without the buffer.
Sooner or later I'll end up fine
A curse to some that i'll live with in time.
   posted by rudi at 10:26 AM

   Sunday, October 16, 2005  
Days turn into weeks,
as months turn into years,
We've gone this far together,
A product of our fears.
   posted by rudi at 11:46 AM

   Sunday, August 07, 2005  
You would make a great doctor.
You'll have abundant patientCE.
   posted by rudi at 4:38 AM

   Friday, August 05, 2005  
An ode to a father figure.

If your idea of an ideal day is
slouching by the couch
watching 'Where Are They Now?' shows all day
munching on chips,
shouldn't YOU ask yourself

   posted by rudi at 2:26 AM

   Tuesday, April 19, 2005  
Rudi learns Time Management.

Goodbye (:
   posted by rudi at 9:41 AM

   Monday, April 11, 2005  
How do you make god laugh?

Make a plan.
   posted by rudi at 7:36 AM

   Friday, April 08, 2005  
its like i'll fucking die if i go to sleep any earlier than 1.30
   posted by rudi at 7:10 AM  
   posted by rudi at 6:59 AM

   Thursday, March 31, 2005  
This is the first alarm.
This is a warning sign.
   posted by rudi at 4:48 AM

   Tuesday, March 29, 2005  
Some people and the icons i associate them with

Aaron - The electrico bassist
Jon - Brandon Boyd
My neighbour - The deftones drummer
Shawn - The marshmallow man
Shaz - Fidah
Fidah - Shaz
Faiz - The samsung man
Aeon - some manga character
Hafiz - Wolverine
Nasir - Wolverine
Matt (pre-ns) - Ronald Mcdonald
Shen - Pikachu
Jasper - Casper
Irene - Panda
Gill - Super Mario Mario
Raj - Luigi
   posted by rudi at 8:39 AM

   Sunday, March 27, 2005  
Turn the lights off
hit the perfect mess of a bed
creases and folds perfectly untouched from the night before
grab that favourite smelly pillow of yours
make sure no one's looking

unearth the secret smile

and for one moment every night
one brief glimmer of a moment

make believe it is of her embrace
minus the arms
without the lets
just your arms
to a limbless carcass
clinging to a life you once led

warm up that silly grin
like little footnotes of a time once loved.

and for that one moment
of the minute multitude of the entire day,

sleep soundly.
   posted by rudi at 6:25 AM

   Saturday, March 26, 2005  
...and that my dear, is what happens when your fetish becomes a common commodity.

   posted by rudi at 11:25 AM

   Friday, March 25, 2005  
I have built a machine
From the scraps of my body
Built it strong built it lean
Built to last for centuries

I grew tired
I grew weak
Watched my skin stop fitting me
Watched my hands freeze up in cold
I grew tired of getting old

I grew tired of blood and bones
Traded cell and bones for stone
Traded oxygen for life
I was scared too scared to die

Time has come
Time has eyes
Staring down in redefine
Sucked it in
Swallowed hard
like the vulture at its lot.
   posted by rudi at 8:43 PM  
I wanna date the chick that looks like norah jones solely for bragging rights of knowing someone that looks spot on like the jazz vixen.
   posted by rudi at 8:31 PM  
'Practical Romance'

Sounds like a paradox to me.
   posted by rudi at 11:57 AM

   Thursday, March 24, 2005  
pack it up, man.

Seems everything
   posted by rudi at 4:44 AM

   Saturday, March 19, 2005  
This might be one of the only times I write something directly relevant here.

Uncertain. *faint smile*
I'm worried.
Some ideals i have are starting to seem like juvenile delusions.
Money is mean to coNScriptees like me.
1 year, 4 months. counting down.

Can somebody save me from feeling this empty?
   posted by rudi at 1:38 PM  
which statement holds more weightage?

a) I love you


b) I will never leave you?

Which one can you afford to say?

Oh, the bittersweet blessings of opting out of these scenarios.

   posted by rudi at 12:21 PM

   Tuesday, March 15, 2005  
"You know they say that man descended from monkeys. But when we look what taking place in the world, the monkeys must be embarrassed because of the actions of men. Especially men! Dis is a world of f--ked up men. Yeah! It is middle-class white men that is f---ing up the world! Yes! Middle-class white men. They have no respect for woman. None atoll. That is why you hear them talking about God the father, God the son and God the Holy Ghost. What the f--k is a ghost doing in that. It is God the Father, God the Child and God the Mother. Yes! Because we have to have some woman in the mix. Some feminine energy in the mix. So we can't just have father, son and ghost. They turned the woman into a ghost. You understand? So we burn down duppy story! We not into the ghost story business. Woman is the creator of all living things. All men and all women on earth, it is woman everybody come from. So we have to respect the womb of the woman. So these people who claim that they come from monkeys, the monkeys must be embarrassed for what they doing to the world. So much pollution and destruction, so much wars and rumors of wars and nation rising against nation and all these things going on in the world because of these f--ked up men. So we want all the men inside here to turn to the nearest woman beside you and say, I am sorry for f--king up the world. (crowd laughs). You see dem laugh? Dem laugh! Ras clot! I personally am sorry for f--king up the world, because I am also a man and I am begging all women in here, pardon. And above that, you will see with me and understand my plight of being a big man. Yes. It is a serious thing. They tell you about Virgin Mary and all these things. It's a lie dem telling! Which woman in here that have a child that is a virgin? Show me hands! No woman inside here that have a child is a virgin. So it is a lie dem telling 'pon Mary. Caa' it is the same thing that dem tell you that it is woman bring sin into the world. It is a lie dem telling on the woman. That is why religion is so f--ked up! All of religion oppresses woman because religion was created by insecure men to oppress woman. Yes! Every religion in the world oppresses woman. That is why we have to move from religion and go into we self and understand the womb and the consciousness that binds that womb that brings forth life in all its forms and all its energy. So we have to give thanks for all the wombs inside here because if it wasn't for that womb we wouldn't be here with this energy. So we have to go into ourselves and find that feminine energy and release that energy because the world needs some feminine energy. Yes! Too much man, man, man, man and masculine and male macho business. We need some feminine energy in the mix! Yes! Man tell you about God is he, what happen to the she God. Just he, he, he do this and he do that. What happened to the she. She must be sitting up their and vex no Ras! She must be vexed because she sit there and say, 'why every time them talking about he this and he that, what have I done?' I want to call on all the men inside here to release your feminine energy and understand that the compassion and the love that we search for lies in that feminine energy and we have to release it in our consciousness today. Because Mr. Bush and Osama Bin Laden and all these mad crazy people is trying to get us involved in their mix up mix up. And we must not allow ourselves to get mixed up in all of these things because we are here together. Right now, we are here together. There is no God in the sky, if God was in the sky the Russians and the Americans would find him long time. If you want to know where God is, just take a look beside you So, we talk about the monkey and the monkey have to speak his mind."

Rastafarian poet.
   posted by rudi at 6:41 AM

   Sunday, March 13, 2005  
Sometimes i can't help but long for a constant.
   posted by rudi at 1:24 AM

   Friday, March 11, 2005  
I said tasty, not tasteful.
   posted by rudi at 11:27 AM  
They say it is most important to ask the right questions, so here goes.
............... what the fuck?
   posted by rudi at 10:19 AM

   Tuesday, March 08, 2005  
It's either you know or you don't.

Or you keep on assuming until you have enough people embarass your belief.
   posted by rudi at 5:12 AM  
What do you do when you come home from work to find your best friend wishes to abandon you?

For real?
   posted by rudi at 5:09 AM

   Monday, March 07, 2005  

Let me annoint the rust inside you.
   posted by rudi at 8:44 AM

   Sunday, March 06, 2005  
dear god how do you forgive yourself?
   posted by rudi at 8:20 PM  
   posted by rudi at 9:46 AM

   Friday, March 04, 2005  
   posted by rudi at 7:13 AM

   Thursday, March 03, 2005  
The only thing i wish for,
is that by the time i die,
someone come by and tap me on the shoulder and go
"Dude, you've led a life of great proportions.
Howsay you join me some tea and chill a bit?"

and then just right there, i'll tag along and graciously opt out of forever.
   posted by rudi at 4:11 AM

   Wednesday, March 02, 2005  
uh oh, and behind enemy lines it seems that their two pretty female figureheads are getting all intimate with one another.

what an interesting night indeed :)
   posted by rudi at 9:03 AM  
omg i can't believe i'm on her 'to do' list.

cyberstalking reigns supreme.
   posted by rudi at 8:54 AM

   Friday, February 25, 2005  
You know its a profound blessing to have been bestowed the power of having a unlisted handphone number and handphone issued to you.

For the sole purpose of prank calling various Neighbourhood Police Centers.

   posted by rudi at 9:52 AM

   Wednesday, February 23, 2005  
Quarter Life Crisis

Vol.4 : Recieving Advice From Pre & Post QLF Patients

"Oh yeah?"


"Well I gots some news for ya's Mistuh."

*jabs finger*

   posted by rudi at 8:13 AM

   Tuesday, February 22, 2005  
You seem to derive more meaning in my words than i do in myself.

   posted by rudi at 4:57 AM

   Sunday, February 20, 2005  
For the fear
For the loathing
For Las Vegas.

(July 18, 1937 – February 20, 2005)
   posted by rudi at 9:36 PM  
You should try not to be so courageous.
(remind me.)
These dismal notes have become contagious.
(remind me.)
   posted by rudi at 10:41 AM

   Friday, February 18, 2005  

the cock is now a part time, semi-pro artiste.

oh the other fella's aeon. ;)
   posted by rudi at 9:25 AM

   Thursday, February 17, 2005  
blame really is an endless arrow.
don't jump in its path as much as stop it.
   posted by rudi at 8:07 AM

   Monday, February 14, 2005  
haha. kaysiao only.
   posted by rudi at 10:01 AM

   Sunday, February 13, 2005  

Tata, take care ; )
   posted by rudi at 9:32 AM

   Saturday, February 12, 2005  
"No shit, sherlock."
Said an Eye for a Guy contestand to me.
   posted by rudi at 2:11 PM

   Friday, February 11, 2005  
I've deduced it to one of three possibilites:

a) your an art school kid
b) your a lesbian
c) your and art school lesbian.

   posted by rudi at 12:35 PM  
I feel like singing, so hear me out.

Took a walk to a CAUTION scene
and guessed i crossed the line, somehow.
and if i lost some of your hope
i'm sorry for the folly was all mine.

And i don't ever really understand all the things that we say
but i'll try to anyway, anyhow.

For whats in a day of this dandy life
whats in a day of this dandy life?

Hanging on every word
My social butterfly
Everyone wants to be loved
loved in their own way.

You could say i spent the night
on the telephone inside
when you said that every single one of us can find a happy face
then why don't you go try? Just try any way.

And you'd suppose i was born yesterday
cuz i never of things quite in that way at all.

And in that way, for whats in a day of this dandy life
Once in a day of this dandy life

lunchBox will be playing at NUS's Yusoff Ishak Hall today at 9pm.
its an acoustic set yes yes yes.
do come.
Call me at 94558246 for directions.
Entry might be free for some of you ; )
hell even a free kopi/teh.
   posted by rudi at 12:23 PM

   Thursday, February 10, 2005  
four's too loud.
three's a crowd.
   posted by rudi at 11:12 AM

   Monday, February 07, 2005  
Maybe the reason why nobody wanted to pick you up was that we saw how bad you fell in your own eyes.
   posted by rudi at 6:13 AM

   Sunday, February 06, 2005  
Aeon and I are very different people.

One believes words are but nothing.
One believes everything in words.
   posted by rudi at 7:26 AM  
"Place in matter and in flesh the least of the values, for these are the things that hold death and must pass away. Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption."

Preface of The Time of Your Life
William Saroyan.
   posted by rudi at 6:58 AM  
"In the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy."

by Max Ehrmann:
   posted by rudi at 6:34 AM

   Saturday, February 05, 2005  
Dammit, I haven't had days this awesome in a long time.

mmm mmm mmm
just like a dream.
but like with cherries and chocolate sprinkles and really chunky m&ms on top.

none of that mini baking m&ms nonsense.

you wouldn't believe me.
   posted by rudi at 10:20 AM

   Friday, February 04, 2005  
   posted by rudi at 10:25 AM

   Thursday, February 03, 2005  
I've done my part
its now your turn.
We'll watch the ways
in which this candle burns.

   posted by rudi at 9:49 AM

   Tuesday, February 01, 2005  
Quarter Life Crisis

Vol.4 : Learning Life Lessons Through Eavesdropping Your Seniors' Seminar.

"Do not react,

"Therefore when people throw bricks at you,
DON'T throw bricks back till both end up in ICU."

"Catch the bricks,
Lay them down on the floor,
build a house"

"Sell it to them"
   posted by rudi at 7:40 AM

   Saturday, January 29, 2005  
Ya'll do have a right to say i'm full of shit ya know?

just drop it in e guestbook.

and uh..
i'll read it.
   posted by rudi at 3:24 PM  
Like snowflakes, god never did create man equal.

Don't be jealous.
; p
   posted by rudi at 3:06 PM

   Thursday, January 27, 2005  
Quarter Life Crisis

Vol.3 : Learning To Lose Your Acute Sense of Humour.

"Hi, my name is Rudi"

"I'm Josephine, you can call me Jo"

30 mins later

"Whats your surname?"


Josephine King
Jo King

"haha. So sorry i cracked up. You must get it all the time!"

"get what?"

   posted by rudi at 6:17 AM

   Wednesday, January 26, 2005  
I know of a girl who take so much pride in her maturity she hit had menopause at 22.

   posted by rudi at 9:39 AM

   Tuesday, January 25, 2005  
Quarter Life Crisis

Vol.2 : Realising your room.

"One fine morning, I woke up well rested, gave a little yawn
and opened up my eyes."

"My room's a fuckin mess. The doodles on my wall should've been tossed
away, along with the Newfound Glory shit"

"i'll clean up."

"Starting tomorrow"
   posted by rudi at 4:14 AM

   Monday, January 24, 2005  
Quarter Life Crisis

Vol.1: The Self-realisation of a The Waning Teen

"So I was reading a bunch of graphic novels and trade paperbacks
when it hit me, like an epiphany."

"I've gotta start reading books."

"and i've gotta stop calling comics graphic novels".
   posted by rudi at 6:25 AM

   Sunday, January 23, 2005  
Here comes the worst hour every Sunday ever since I could remember.
   posted by rudi at 5:30 AM

   Saturday, January 22, 2005  
i ask alot
unsure questions
and you'll wonder why
i've turned inside.

is killing me.
   posted by rudi at 7:23 AM

   Friday, January 21, 2005  
Some people would say that we're fucking wierd.

I'd rather say that we're fucking.
   posted by rudi at 2:11 PM  
   posted by rudi at 2:11 PM  
I'm sorry, I can't help but feel that you expect me to say something right about now.
   posted by rudi at 10:20 AM

   Tuesday, January 18, 2005  
"Singaporeans (and people in general) must learn and utilise their beds for only 2 purposes : sleep and sex"

Singapore Sleep Society

he didn't count death though. but not all be that lucky innit?
   posted by rudi at 9:11 AM

   Saturday, January 15, 2005  
i had a dream i was beaten up for what happened a bit more than 2 weeks ago
   posted by rudi at 9:20 PM  
Cramming everything in as little time possible is only good when you know you have something/someone to look forward to afterwards.

Break the habit, dammit.
   posted by rudi at 10:15 AM

   Friday, January 14, 2005  
There was a decorated General with a heart of gold
That likened him to all the stories he told
of past battles won and lost and legends of old
a seasoned vetran in his own time

On the battlefield he gained respectful fame
with many medals of bravery and stripes to his name
he grew a beard as soon as he could to cover the scars on his face
and always urged his men on.

But on the eve of a great battle, with the infantry in dream
the old General tossed in his sleep and wrestled with his feelings
he awoke from the night to tell what he had seen
and slowly walked out of his tent

All the men stood tall with their guns in the air
with courage in their blood; fire in their stare
and it was a grey morning and they wondered how they would fare
Till the old General told them to go home.

He said:

"I have seen the others, and i have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting.

And i've seen their mothers
and i will no other
to follow me where i'm going.

So take your shower and shine your shoes
you've got no time to lose
you are young men, you should be living.
So go now, you are forgiven."

But the men held tall with their guns on their shoulders
not knowing what to do with their contradicting orders
the General said he'd do his own duty but he'd extend it no further
the men could go as they pleased.

But not a man moved; their eyes gazed straight ahead
until one by one they stood back, and not a word was said
and the old General was left with his own words echoing in his head;
as he then prepared to fight.

Go now, you are forgiven.

See you kids 12th of Feb, NUS Yusoff Ishak Hall. 6pm onwards
we're playing round 8ish i think. 4 lollas.

and yes, we'll be doing the abovementioned song :)
i hope.

   posted by rudi at 12:34 PM  
promises contain no sense of surprise
surprise contains next to no sense of hope.
focus on the former.
   posted by rudi at 3:03 AM

   Thursday, January 13, 2005  
position the stitches, like miles of torpedos.
(what; am i supposed to die alone?)
   posted by rudi at 3:27 AM

   Wednesday, January 12, 2005  
I could die today and be the only one my age to have never ever read Prozac Nation.

   posted by rudi at 6:39 AM

   Monday, January 10, 2005  
you know its bad when even the prawn mee lady knew about us. :(
   posted by rudi at 10:03 PM  
For the life of me i cannot rememeber what made us think that we were wise and that we'd never compromise

   posted by rudi at 6:42 AM

   Saturday, January 08, 2005  
   posted by rudi at 10:43 PM  
would you date someone who has 3 legs?

i know someone who would (wierrrrrddooo.)
   posted by rudi at 1:29 PM

   Sunday, January 02, 2005  
I saw an honest man lie today.
Question is, should he ever be forgiven?
   posted by rudi at 7:11 PM

   Saturday, January 01, 2005  
I know what i'd do if the world were to end in 7 years time.

Absolutely nothing.

   posted by rudi at 7:30 AM

   Friday, December 31, 2004  
So this is the new year.(!) (?)

times like these i can't help but feel like an old geezer.


   posted by rudi at 2:02 AM

   Saturday, December 25, 2004  
"Red is the new black."

I think i finally got it.

Merry X'mas peeps. :)-+=
   posted by rudi at 7:19 PM

   Thursday, December 23, 2004  
relaXxXxXx rene.
things sometimes don't go as smooth as it seem.
Times like these; of stormy weather,
only make the sunshine days seem so much better.
   posted by rudi at 9:06 AM

   Monday, December 20, 2004  
xiaxue aka Wendy Chong is one whacked up ditzy chick.

Find out bout it in Digital Life today.

Best blog. BLAH.

i like my kookoojiao.
   posted by rudi at 11:40 PM

   Tuesday, December 07, 2004  
i think its really quite funny how i initially started this blog with the intentions of giving something to everyone.

cuz right now, i'm frankly more concerned with giving everything to some.

now that's a new motto for me to chew on.
   posted by rudi at 7:19 AM

   Saturday, November 27, 2004  
i gotta gmail and i wanna get some emails for fun


whatcha think?
other nominees were

OPINIONS PEOPLE!!!!!!!! sendem in!
   posted by rudi at 11:33 AM

   Tuesday, November 16, 2004  
this is how it works.

Step 1 : I will go to http://www.gostuffs.com.sg/

Step 2: I will go and buy $60 worth of (useless) stuff on the site

Step 3: I will try not get suspicious as i wait for 3-5 months to collect my free ipod

i smell a fish.

for my sake,
i hope its sashimi.
   posted by rudi at 9:45 AM

   Thursday, November 04, 2004  
hallo ya'll.

lunchBox is playing at Youthpark on 20th Nov. Timing is gonna be confirmed. First gig after drafted into NS.

i've never this excited since I bought my first Tamiya car in primary 5.

come on down, and we'll get around ya?

   posted by rudi at 9:30 AM

   Saturday, October 23, 2004  
they say your greatest creation
is the life you lead.


   posted by rudi at 12:51 AM

   Wednesday, October 20, 2004  
oh yes, hello irene.

singapore misses you too.
   posted by rudi at 10:37 AM  
dammit i forgot.

   posted by rudi at 10:36 AM

   Tuesday, October 12, 2004  
ain't we all...
to at least a certain extent?
some degree?
a certain measure?
the least bit?
a teensy bit?
a smudging of?
on some level?

   posted by rudi at 10:34 AM  


   posted by rudi at 10:21 AM

   Friday, October 08, 2004  
there has to be some kinda treatment for you to quit being a motherfucker.
   posted by rudi at 5:28 AM

   Friday, October 01, 2004  
its bout time i step it up a notch ya?

   posted by rudi at 11:47 AM

   Thursday, September 30, 2004  
ok, here's how it works.

Pretend your a bunny.
Pretend after a hard days work of uprooting carrots you come home to your luxurious rabbit hole.
Then there, in one of the smaller sub-holes that is your toilet.

Up yourself motherfuckers.

dearest people reading. if any of you has my direct contact, gimmie a call. Or a 'shoutout' as these new Gen-Y MTVers call it. Bee Oh aRe Eeeh Deed.

   posted by rudi at 10:22 AM

   Thursday, September 23, 2004  
all i got to say to you boy, is that it comes with age.

   posted by rudi at 10:18 AM

   Sunday, August 15, 2004  
Do you really wanna know how i've been?

Not well apparently. I've lost some stuff in the past 6 months that i'm quite unsure that i can reclaim. All sunken into the quicksand. Should i put my hand in there and risk falling in by pulling what's lost out?

I'm so sorry, forgive me ya'll.
I have no answers, just assumptions.

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be.
Well i'll be dam if not i'm gonna stop this badwater from passing through
   posted by rudi at 3:40 AM  
21 days encounting.

Don't just sit there sulking, talking about your freedom
   posted by rudi at 3:39 AM

   Saturday, June 19, 2004  
ah, home is bliss. i miss this pure lazy nothingness that i used to render as inefficient managing of my free time. Tv's on mute and is winamp. 2.14am and i have made everyone shut up, if they haven't done it themselves. it's awfully quiet. fuck that, its beautifully quiet. Nobody but me. Me. ME. I need this nothingness. I HATE NS.

but i like this.

i really do.

times ten.

ten times.

god bless.

I'm so preoccupied with whats in store in a few months time that i have failed to notice the steps directly in front of me. Then i stumbled.

I want me back.

please return that to me.

and my pink ic.
   posted by rudi at 11:12 AM

   Sunday, May 30, 2004  
With all things said and done, what i really want right now is the Weezer Maladroit Vinyl (limited pressing too) over at Roxy Music. 10 dollars out of reach is 10 dollars too much.
   posted by rudi at 4:32 AM

   Friday, May 28, 2004  
He marched to the tune of a different drummer.

and where it was it was always summer.
   posted by rudi at 9:39 AM  
I can if i want to,
but the question remains
   posted by rudi at 7:31 AM  
I can if i want to,
but the question remains
   posted by rudi at 7:31 AM

   Tuesday, May 25, 2004  
It cannot be so
you say
simple hands
cannot change
the fate of humanity.
I say
Humanity is
a boundless comma
absorbing heart
death and generations
and centuries
absorbing bullets
and stitches
and teargas
enduring humiliation
and illegal abortions
and thankless jobs
I say to you
the heart of Humanity
has not
and will not
be broken
And let us raise ourselves
like lanterns
with the millions of others
with the mad
and the forgotten
and the strong of heart
to shine.
   posted by rudi at 12:18 PM

   Saturday, May 22, 2004  

Monday, September 08, 2003

I don't know.
I want to find out.
posted by rudi at 6:14 PM


Sunday, May 23, 2004

I now know.
I wish i didn't.
   posted by rudi at 8:59 PM

   Saturday, May 15, 2004  
Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well. Well? well.
   posted by rudi at 4:16 PM  
Bit on something i couldn't chew
then i swallowed bittersweet you.
It went down well but queases inside
tit for tat, we'll see who backs down their pride.

Bit on something that tasted new
turned out to be melancholy you.
An acquired flavour in which i felt i had acquired
with an aftertaste that left much to be desired.

Bit on something that i couldn't chew
what am i supposed to do?
   posted by rudi at 10:13 AM  
I pass the darkened vaults of late doorways as if i were a king.
Like this, I chain a whisper to my faults.
   posted by rudi at 5:17 AM

   Saturday, May 01, 2004  
And to love, a god
and to fear, a flame
and to burn a crowd that has a name
   posted by rudi at 10:20 AM

   Friday, April 30, 2004  
ahmygawd its soo nice to stretch your legs and.................
   posted by rudi at 4:38 AM

   Sunday, April 25, 2004  
how do you understand a brick wall?
   posted by rudi at 9:46 AM

   Saturday, April 17, 2004  
A lesson in conservation ; do not cry wolf too early
   posted by rudi at 6:44 PM  
you'll never get to heaven if your scared of getting high
   posted by rudi at 7:58 AM

   Wednesday, April 07, 2004  
like Elvis
like everyone
we all die
we all live on
through photos
and paperbacks
if we're lucky
They're coming back

Mother Mary,
over and over.
Mother Mary,
over me.
   posted by rudi at 8:46 PM

   Friday, April 02, 2004  
It seems i get fucked everytime i voice out something.
   posted by rudi at 10:20 PM  
NS rocks.
   posted by rudi at 10:19 PM

   Friday, March 26, 2004  
I'm back, albeit temporarily, and i want someone to explain to me how to use the word vitriolic nicely.
   posted by rudi at 7:00 PM

   Sunday, March 07, 2004  
You know, the funniest thing is, it felt so far away till now. Which is pretty wierd.
The next phase of my life. Phase 1 being infancy, Phase 2, 3 and 4 being primary, secondary and tertiary studies respectively. Phase 5 begins. I'm not quite sure about being prepared. But then again, who is. I'm looking forward but backwards simaltaneously. And it's giving me a headache.

I seriously can't remember e last time i actually blogged in a blog. I'm sorry, i never really felt like it.
Now placed in this sorta confessional, i'm still feel damn awkward as to what to say. Bloody hell, i don't know if i'll even hit the Post button at the end of this.

I've got many things that i'm proud of, you especially, but i still feel i've got wayy too many loose ends to tie before e day comes. T-minus 8 days. 8x24. 120+72. 192 hours.

Now that i've put it in a matter of hours it sounds pretty good actually.

I've met an elderly man whilst cycling named Peter Toh. He told me all i need in live well and have a nice girl by your side. He's a logisitics person whom is currently pursuing at 50+ a degree in theology of bibical study. Nice chap he is.
Bought me sugar cane juice.

Looking forward to meeting bunkmates though, sounds like secondary school all over again. Gotta be mindful not to be too nice to them, cuz nobody likes a pushover.

I dunno man. I never do. Who does. Aiyar.

Alrite, i feel good. No scratch that. I feel slightly better. I'm tired.

Mata, here i come. Hope our bunk i/c's notta jerk.
   posted by rudi at 11:17 AM

   Wednesday, March 03, 2004  
Its called an addiction baybeeeeeee.
   posted by rudi at 9:21 PM

   Tuesday, March 02, 2004  

   posted by rudi at 12:20 PM  
why pull out a gun when you can pull out a fuckin BAZOOKA BABY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
   posted by rudi at 4:39 AM

   Wednesday, February 25, 2004  
Aiyarrrrr i wish she was here todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
   posted by rudi at 9:25 PM  
wise woman on mtv say

of course you can't become
if you only say what you would've done
so you must miss a million miles of fun

   posted by rudi at 9:22 PM

   Monday, February 16, 2004  
Extroverted (E) 67.65% Introverted (I) 32.35%
Realistic (S) 50% Imaginative (N) 50%
Emotional (F) 51.61% Intellectual (T) 48.39%
Easygoing (P) 67.65% Organized (J) 32.35%
Your type is: ESFP
You are an Entertainer, possible professions include - veterinarian, flight attendant, floral designer, real estate agent, child care provider, social worker, fundraiser, athletic coach, musician, secretary, receptionist, special events producer, teacher
Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test

   posted by rudi at 11:50 AM

   Saturday, February 14, 2004  
Cry Me A River is the best damn song/video in the whole world right now
   posted by rudi at 9:08 AM

   Monday, February 09, 2004  
She gets home and i'm already the biggest jerk in the whole wide world.
   posted by rudi at 1:56 PM

   Sunday, February 08, 2004  
Notice when rappers sing for you to 'open up your eyes'
they will always follow up with a 'to make you realise'

Open up your eyes
make you realise
   posted by rudi at 8:59 PM  
denial begins with a 'naw naw naw naw naw naw naw naw naw'
   posted by rudi at 6:42 PM

   Friday, February 06, 2004  
... Most of all i'd like to thank my late grandad, god rest his soul.
His passing on pressed me with newfound experiences that i never thought possible.
I know that somewhere above, he had all this planned for me.

I thank you.
I miss you.
We all do.
   posted by rudi at 7:45 AM

   Sunday, February 01, 2004  
Best albums of 2003
1. Coheed & Cambria - In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth:3
2. Postal Service - Give Up
3. Deftones - S/T
4. Switchfoot - The Beautiful Letdown
5. Dj Shadow - The Private Press

i'm not so sure if Private Press is a 2003 release though.
   posted by rudi at 10:47 PM  
"Come again?"

"Petitioning the Empty Sky"

"Nice name"
   posted by rudi at 8:55 PM

   Thursday, January 29, 2004  
my god they're good
   posted by rudi at 8:32 PM

   Wednesday, January 28, 2004  
David Hasselhoff brought me to realise that there lies a big IF in LIFE and assured me not to worry.

Right before jogging off along the coast alongside Pamela Anderson.

   posted by rudi at 11:10 AM

   Monday, January 26, 2004  
Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel
Your Love Is...Rough
During Lovemaking You Act...Like a child, always playing
Your Partner Is...Your slave
Your Partner Has Said That You...Are extrodinary
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote."Love is bittersweet"
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

looks like we're both slaves, babe.
   posted by rudi at 8:28 AM

   Monday, January 19, 2004  
Its been ages since i've been posting more than one sentence at a time. To think i'd seem cool by now by making such posts. Anyways i've been doing dandy,

I.R.ene if your reading this call me again alrite, my handphone has phucked up and now that it's repaired, my sim card decided to learn to phuckup. How is you being?

Perlin! Phone phucked up, if you are reading this, we must meet up with colin for lunch after cny! what've u been upto?

Shaz, if you be browsing this post, call me 63483804! lunchBox needs to look all hensem n take photototototootos.

aSSSS forrrr nNAaaaaaaddiiiiiiiiineeeeeeee..... hmmmmmm. *kisskisskiss* haw haw haw haw ahwahwha.

hee hee hee.

Steven Martin is a mad writer. mad love to the mad writer.

Tiong Bahru has nice century egg porridge. Mad love to the century egg porridge maker.

MC Hammer was a wife beater. No love to the black wife beater.


*thumps chest and handshake*

who do only girls read this thing?
   posted by rudi at 7:45 PM

   Thursday, January 15, 2004  
An irony is only a hipocrisy with style.
   posted by rudi at 2:32 AM

   Sunday, January 04, 2004  
today i focused on listening to my heart and soul and instead heard my gastric fluids conversing with my stomach lining.
   posted by rudi at 9:02 AM

   Saturday, January 03, 2004  
   posted by rudi at 12:38 PM  
   posted by rudi at 3:39 AM

   Thursday, January 01, 2004  

   posted by rudi at 9:57 PM

   Tuesday, December 30, 2003  
Fuck you, Sk8ter Boi is catchy
   posted by rudi at 9:25 AM

   Monday, December 29, 2003  
Upon wiping the smirk off my face i unveiled a grin.
   posted by rudi at 10:12 AM

   Sunday, December 28, 2003  
no more gold lights for the queen earth.
   posted by rudi at 12:15 AM

   Monday, December 15, 2003  
I don't know if i can prove it to you, but i don't care.
I am now friends with a person from international record label Wind Up Records after he was impressed with my opinion of the new f11 record. yes. Yes. YES. The WORLD IS MAH OYSTER. well, you are too. Both ways, much <3 all around alrite?

and thank you once again, sweetums.
   posted by rudi at 1:02 PM  
what a day. wonder if i should kepo
   posted by rudi at 10:18 AM

   Sunday, December 14, 2003  
saddam hussein got caught.
I'm breaking up/down.
   posted by rudi at 8:53 AM

   Wednesday, December 10, 2003  
For some reason, this image speaks tons about me.
   posted by rudi at 9:39 AM

   Sunday, December 07, 2003  
This serves as a constant reminder that i'll develop a stinky face for keeping up in my ass too long.
   posted by rudi at 11:49 PM

   Thursday, December 04, 2003  
It was the last thing you wanted to hear,
but i'll be damned if i'd you think it's selfish that i make myself clear.
   posted by rudi at 7:53 AM  
'i'll call once i've got myself settled' she promised.
Amidst the clearance sale nature of the place, he just wanted something to hold onto.
   posted by rudi at 7:51 AM

   Monday, December 01, 2003  
there's something infinitely interesting about tatu.
   posted by rudi at 6:04 PM

   Saturday, November 29, 2003  
when i die, please inform those who know me relatively well about this site. Its the least i can do
   posted by rudi at 10:35 PM

   Monday, November 24, 2003  
Seeeeeee laaaaaaaa maaaaaaaaaaaaaat Haaaaaa riiiiiiii Raaaaaaaa Yaaaaaaaaaa
   posted by rudi at 10:53 AM  
... On how things are
... On how things could be
... On how things MAY have been
... On & On
   posted by rudi at 10:53 AM

   Thursday, November 20, 2003  
I could be tired.

or i could have thought i had something to say.

   posted by rudi at 10:35 AM

   Monday, November 17, 2003  
whut da hewl

Quiz Me
Rudi Osman was
a Narrow-Minded Acrobat
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

narrow minded is good when tightropes are just as narrow
   posted by rudi at 10:07 AM

   Thursday, November 13, 2003  
Paint the streets in white.
Death is the standard
Breach for a complex prize.

I think it's sweet of you
And your parents are proud...
But I would expect it from anyone
Now to protect life's indigenous sound.


How the streets they swell
While the animals make their way through the crowd.

If you keep listening you can hear it for miles...
God, I trust everyone quicker with every faint smile!


And the crowd goes wild.
And the camera makes you seasick!
God it's so sweet of you and I know you're proud
And the car bomb hits quick click, faint smile!
It's the same sound... it's the same, same... sound....

And the crowd goes wild.
And the camera makes you seasick!
God it's so sweet of you and you know I'm proud
And the car bomb tick ticks with the same sound!
It's the same sound! With the same sound...
   posted by rudi at 2:23 PM

   Wednesday, November 12, 2003  
While sampling sounds of great songs which started from a studio to a cd to a computer to a soundcard to a pair of headphones, i've come to realise that the hiss of air given off in between selecting songs is something pretty damn beautiful.
   posted by rudi at 9:13 AM

   Tuesday, November 11, 2003  

a quote, as found from a coheed and cambria notice board post

'Don't knock masturbation...it's sex with the one person i love.'
   posted by rudi at 10:29 AM

   Sunday, November 09, 2003  
how lesbianic

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

is lesbianic a proper word?
   posted by rudi at 7:44 AM

   Wednesday, November 05, 2003  
i never fail to amuse myself at times at exactly how much small little musically calibrated magnetic coils can bring a smirk upon my face.
   posted by rudi at 11:43 AM  
never forget
   posted by rudi at 11:22 AM  
   posted by rudi at 8:14 AM

   Thursday, October 30, 2003  
you were my favourite.
   posted by rudi at 10:30 AM  
"the creator, the alchemist"
You achieve balance and integration through the
creative process or by working with the hands;
you have a deep love for your creative
expression which is inspired by your great
perception and emotional insights. You love
truth and beauty for their own sakes. You have
the ability to balance and blend masculine and
feminine, yin and yang, reception and
assertion. Remember that the highest art form
is that of artful relationships.

which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results
brought to you by Quizilla
   posted by rudi at 10:22 AM

   Wednesday, October 29, 2003  
Worship & Tribute (Vol.2)

Mr Shiver, i'm glad you sent a line
euphoria's endearing
But its cold, we might as well retire
to the drawer where all used things resign.

Mr Shiver, in the river
You were told
You were sold

I do, I flew
If we make it over the mountains.
I do, I flew
If we make it over the mountains.

Dressed in leather
red ball and vault attire
the most ironic place to be is easy.
Between my finger and the blade
right before i let the used resign.

Should i lose the one you choose
could i lose who won you
times ten
ten times.

moo empire. gJ.
   posted by rudi at 10:52 AM

   Tuesday, October 28, 2003  
The Big Five Personality Test
Extroverted|||||||||||||||| 70%
Introverted |||||| 30%
Friendly |||||||||||||||| 62%
Aggressive |||||||||| 38%
Orderly |||||||||||| 48%
Disorderly |||||||||||||| 52%
Relaxed |||||||||||||| 52%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Practical |||||| 26%
Take Free Big 5 Personality Test

   posted by rudi at 3:05 AM

   Monday, October 27, 2003  
8 dollars down. 5.95 Mcspicy double meal.
2 barley.

Bad start

tomorrow i fast.
either that or i go slow.


4 more days encounting
   posted by rudi at 9:22 AM

   Sunday, October 26, 2003  
I will now survive the week on $20 and still have some semblance of fun.
Records will be kept for personal reference and for you, if you wanna learn, i guess.
life's simple, living it can be the tricky part.
   posted by rudi at 8:00 AM

   Saturday, October 25, 2003  
Dearest motherfuckers:

I have a Gibson.

Prepare to die.

   posted by rudi at 4:13 AM

   Thursday, October 23, 2003  
Georgia O'Keefe
Fantastic!! You are GEORGIA O'KEEFE.
You are a true spirit of nature, and it shows in
the flowing floral paintings for which you are
most famous. You feel the beauty of all things
around you, and your friends appreciate you for
your ability to share that extraordinary beauty
with them.

Which famous artist most reflects your personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
   posted by rudi at 12:13 PM

   Tuesday, October 21, 2003  
blah blah blah regular day
blah blah blah regular activity
blah blah bla...........?
wonderful refreshing glass of orange juice
yum yum yum
blah blah blah resume transmission
   posted by rudi at 12:55 PM

   Saturday, October 18, 2003  
Please take these hands
throw them in the river
wash away the things they never had.
   posted by rudi at 12:13 PM

   Thursday, October 16, 2003  
i think the trick is to waste time, but not be bothered by the guilt that comes with time wasting. Waste time gracefully. Time Consume with a nice silver fork and spoon. Somehow or another, it'll always workout. Boredom is fucking ugly. Speak to me with tongues.
   posted by rudi at 11:54 AM  
shites, seems all you people were right. Jeff Buckley is suh-whee-e-e-eat.
   posted by rudi at 5:16 AM

   Saturday, October 11, 2003  
Today was bad.
Instead of doing anything i wanted, i slept.
I wanted sleep, but not that badly.
   posted by rudi at 1:24 PM

   Thursday, October 09, 2003  
Fuck this, I'm checking friendster.
   posted by rudi at 12:59 PM  
Sparta's fucking boring
Mars Volta's a tad too out there.

Where's ATDI when i need them?

The beautiful colour of compromise is grey you know.

Now i'm lost.

Basking in the pixelated glow of the computer screen, i've seriously been working on my nortunal sun tan.

Defragmentation speeds things up and makes things neat. Haraelularrrh.

Headphones are intense and personal. I would like to have a more casual relation with my music, but sPEEKers would be too intrusive at this time of night.

I'm typing for the sake of typing, but then again aren't we all?

Fuck that, i don't want to be one of those people that says vague phrases like "aren't we all?" so often they think they're on top of everybody and when they piss all those below them would believe they are blessed with a shower of gold.

I like the feeling of pressing several keys in random patterns. Its like i'm working. But i'm not. I don't like working. Who does. Uh oh, not again.

I want to take over the world. In a more polite way. Arnie's not gonna do it right. Ah well, their loss.
   posted by rudi at 12:58 PM

   Monday, September 29, 2003  
live 'on-the-spot' lyric translations. No looking up of lyrics. Just winamp, the mp3 and my interpretations of the high-pitched slur.

Your eyes tell the stories the stories
of a day in which you could
recover moments that you once had
To retrack the footsteps that brought us to this favour
i wouldn't ask this of you

good eye sniper
i'll shoot
you run

The words you scribbled on the walls
with the loss of friends you didn't have
i called you and the time is right
'are you in or are you out?'
for them all to know the end of the (song?)

Run quick they're behind us
you didn't think we'd ever make it
this close to safety in one piece
And now you want to kill me
in the act of what could maybe
save us from sleep and what we are

Good eye sniper
I'll shoot, you run.

Bye bye beautiful
don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words
and they're calling your cause
face up, let down
faced up, step down (?)

I still don't get it.
   posted by rudi at 1:35 PM  
I Am A: Neutral Good GnomeBard Fighter

Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.

Gnomes are also short, like dwarves, but much skinnier. They have no beards, and are very inclined towards technology, although they have been known to dabble in magic, too. They tend to be fun-loving and fond of jokes and humor. Some gnomes live underground, and some live in cities and villages. They are very tolerant of other races, and are generally well-liked, though occasionally considered frivolous.

Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Secondary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.

Oghma is the Neutral Good god of knowledge and invention. He is also known as the Binder of What is Known, and is the Patron of Bards. His followers believe that knowledge reigns supreme, and is the basis for everything else that is done. They wear white shirts and pants, with a black and gold braided vest, and a small, box-like hat. All priests of Oghma are known as Loremasters. Oghma's symbol is a scroll.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

I'd prefer a teenage mutant ninja turtle though
heylo sweetie =<3-(:
   posted by rudi at 11:17 AM

   Wednesday, September 24, 2003  
Hi ho. My name is Rudi. I like people around me. They are nice. I sometimes feel like I can take this all for granted very easily. Sometimes I feel I do. I think it is part of being human. But then again, humans should live with a little consideration. But feeling this way is ok, as long as I don’t express it to those around me. But then again, argh. I seriously wonder how long I can’t rant like this without stopping. Guiness book of records here I come. I won’t even bother to stop or think if anything makes sense, just start and go. Until 3.15am. Pure quantity baby. YEAAAAAAAAAAAA. Hrm, tv’s not on, I wonder what’s on. But then, I can’t be bothered to turn on the tv. I’ve got this typing marathon to fulfill. Waittaminute, I can’t believe I’ve set myself out to do something so pointless. I have direction in pointlessness. Wow. I wish I could feel proud of myself for things like this, but somehow I don’t. I’m grinning a lil though, dunno why. I think I should let myself get away with that. Dang, the sound of keys constantly being banged sounds very therapeutic, makes me feel professional. I wanna be a professional at something one day, but I’d rather not get into that at 3.10 in the morning. Which reminds me, 5 more minutes to burrrrrn babyyyyyyyy. Damn, if only novels were written this way. I’d be rich. Rich. RICH. I knew of this guy named Richmond. Not quite sure why, but I hope he’s rich now. Hee hee. If that were a joke, I’d be an accidental genius. Freeforming. Superstorming. Not so boring. Aha, had a lil rhyme thing going on for a short while there. I took a brief pause to scratch my chest. And because of that, I need to scratch again. Argh, I hate the entire itch thing. I wish I had some powder. But wait, its not that bad. Hrm, breakfast later. Sounds good. Hopefully tastes better. 2 more minutes to kill. I seriously should be doing work. But aiyaaaaaaahhhh. I’ve been doing substantial amounts of work till now. I deserve this. But this is pointless. Hrm, I wonder if I can get away by calling this literary art. Ooh, that would be nice. Convienient. 1 more minute to burn. Need to end this rant with some good closure. Lemme think of a nice quote. Hrm.
Tick.tick.tick.tick.tick. Ok got it, wait times up.
   posted by rudi at 12:15 PM  
gj, by the way
   posted by rudi at 12:12 AM  
Trailer Park Jesus

Put the needle to the record,
And hit me with your style,
Soon enough I'll,
Learn to unload to unload my mouth.
Can you feel it's getting blacker,
The vibe up in this place
When I displaced,
What made me turn my face.

I can't wait.

I jumped ship to a burning sow
Had a ball.
Atom bomb.

It was quite a dirty habit,
When the last thing I do,
Has a swine slewn,
Down martyr avenue.
Am I driftwood or hosana?
A knee-deep in disease.
I'm the body
Laid a 9 on my sleeve.

I'm a bitch girl.
I'm a bitch.

I jumped ship to a burning sow
Had a ball.
Atom bomb.
Killed a shark.
Atom bomb..

Denial is a river in Egypt.
Division is a reunion in the south.
Soon enough I'll learn to...
Denial is a river in Egypt
Allusive as the communion in my mouth.
Soon enough I'll learn to...

I jumped ship to a burning sow
Had a ball.
Atom bomb.
Atom bomb..

Tell the one
About the man who dug
Holes so deep
He lost sight of his word.
   posted by rudi at 12:12 AM

   Tuesday, September 23, 2003  
good eye sniper.
i shoot, you run.
   posted by rudi at 11:04 PM

   Sunday, September 21, 2003  
   posted by rudi at 10:15 AM

   Tuesday, September 16, 2003  
what used to be all i want to learn
is wisdom, trust and truth.
now all i really want to earn
is forgiveness from you.
   posted by rudi at 10:40 AM

   Monday, September 15, 2003  
'i know God personally in fact he lets me call him me'
Saul Williams. Spoken word poet/hip-hop artiste.
   posted by rudi at 12:17 AM

   Saturday, September 13, 2003  
Maybe we were living with eyes half open
maybe we're bent and broken.
   posted by rudi at 12:50 AM

   Monday, September 08, 2003  
sorry bout that, i'll take note. =)
   posted by rudi at 11:21 PM  
the get away - pretty girls make graves

she said she'd like it to snow
the same way it did in upstate new york
he never liked it that cold
and he said, and he said
i never wanna go home
massachusetts, michigan, i don't know
just as long as it's us

that's all that matters
(you're all that matters)

well, i know that you stole
about two bills and a little gold
from your parents' drawer
and she said, and she said,
how far will this get us from here?
and i don't wanna talk about
what's back there
we can never go, we can never go
how far will this get us from here?
and i don't wanna talk about
what's back there
we can never go, we can never go home
yeah, we can never go home
and we can, and we can
yeah, we can never go home

and he said, and he said
i never wanna go home
we'll be okay on our own
just as long as it's us
and she said, and she said

how far will this get us from here?
and i don't wanna talk
about what's back there
we can never go, we can never go
how far will this get us from here?
and i don't wanna talk
about what's back there
we can never go,
we can never go home
yeah, we can never go home
and we can, and we can
yeah, we can never go home

and she said, and she said
and he said, and he said
   posted by rudi at 11:20 PM  
I don't know.
I want to find out.
   posted by rudi at 3:14 AM

   Friday, September 05, 2003  
egad lookat the time. bum.mer.
   posted by rudi at 3:27 PM  
I'm not quite sure exactly how to feel when the guitarist of one of the best local bands dedicates to you the song, that you had spent hours on end during a schoolweek trying to learn 5 years back, during their live performance.

But it feels quite good. Mmm, mmm, mmm.


(: :)
   posted by rudi at 3:24 PM

   Wednesday, September 03, 2003  
you are sweat

Blood, Sweat, and Tears
brought to you by Quizilla
   posted by rudi at 9:41 AM

   Tuesday, August 26, 2003  
"All weapons that give off harmful gases, whether or not they look like guns, are illegal here. Such devices could be used to commit crimes, the police said in a statement yesterday in response to media enquiries. It said that under the Arms and Explosives Act, anyone who has such a device in his possession or brings it into Singapore without a licence can be fined up to S$2,000 and jailed for up to two years. "

faeces. there goes my D24 bomb threat.
   posted by rudi at 10:37 PM

   Saturday, August 23, 2003  
it seems that i pissed myself off today.
aaaaaahhhh. catharsis.
   posted by rudi at 8:27 AM

   Thursday, August 21, 2003  
wait, lemme combat e previous post by seeing what i have going for me

girl (a nice one at that)
easy project
new acoustic guitar
performance @ taka

i think its only natural to have more worries than joys,
   posted by rudi at 3:28 AM  
44 days.
still studying
different papers
why do i only turn to these things only during these periods of time?
friend leaving

do i feel much better after belching out my worries?
   posted by rudi at 3:23 AM

   Tuesday, July 08, 2003  
I have nothing to do.
I wanted this yesterday.
I might be bored.
But I recall wanting to feel like this yesterday.
But not this bored.
i could study.
   posted by rudi at 2:34 AM

   Saturday, June 28, 2003  
I remember feeling awfully dead
I remember being much alive
but on the floor

I remember seeing your face last
as i crashed down sync-ed with broken glass
i remember kissing cold dirt floor

Just thought i trusted you
held onto something true
this changes everything

We've passed a law my friends
So take your sides, as we divide mice and men.

And as it all fell through,
I whispered, pulling away you
'Balance is everything '

   posted by rudi at 2:50 AM

   Tuesday, June 24, 2003  
q: Whatt hef uck is 'canvas carnage' supposed to mean?
   posted by rudi at 1:38 AM

   Wednesday, June 11, 2003  
in the recent light of events surrounding him, R.Kelly's classic single 'Bump N Grind' sounds downright freaky.
   posted by rudi at 8:45 AM

   Friday, May 30, 2003  
To learn to accept that no matter how far down the spiral descends,
there will always be a way up.
   posted by rudi at 10:58 PM  
such a strange numb.
   posted by rudi at 10:13 PM

   Saturday, May 24, 2003  
songs to the key of my life

Deftones - Minerva / Pink Maggit
U2 - One & Pride
Glassjaw - Trailer Park Jesus & Radio Cambodia
Weezer - Only In Dreams
At the Drive-in - Quarantined
De La Soul feat Teenage Fanclub - Falling
Travis - Driftwood
Yo La Tengo - Our Way To Fall
Bob Dylan - Most of the Time
Dispatch - The General
Wallflowers - The Difference

there's more, but i'm constipated.
till the next excretion.
   posted by rudi at 6:58 AM

   Sunday, May 04, 2003  
Freeform logic

Vol. 1 : Why School Stinks like Ass.

ass has had a history of being stinky.

because of that, ass felt lonely, because noone wanted to hang around with him

then skool came along

skool had the same interests as ass

and that was a start of a potent/pungent relationship.
   posted by rudi at 8:40 AM

   Saturday, May 03, 2003  
We're in love with the fact we're trying.

Isn't it heavier than air?
   posted by rudi at 11:10 AM

   Friday, May 02, 2003  
God, i feel so damn naked in here.
   posted by rudi at 10:30 AM

   Saturday, April 19, 2003  
Freeform tounge-twisting stories.

Vol 1. : The Fellowship of the Mellow

.... may i know tell you a story of Mellow Fellow; a fellow who was mellow.

One mellow day, a fellow friend, found Mellow Fellow talking to a sparrow

"Why would dear Mellow Fellow be talking to sparrow?" he thought aloud

"It is because me, Mellow Fellow, saw a sparrow get hit by an ugly arrow" he shot back, catching fellow Friend of Mellow Fellow of guard.

"If it be of any help to you, dear Mellow Fellow who saw a sparrow who get hit by an arrow, for the dear birds funeral I will play my Cello." FOMF offered generously.

"Much gratitude towards you Friend of Mellow Fellow, for I (Mellow Fellow) was considering painting a tribute to the arrowed sparrow whose outlook was narrow, in the style of the great Donatello."

"But please answer me this, Mellow Fellow who witnessed a sparrow hit by an arrow, why converse with a being already deceased?" Friend of Mellow Fellow probed.

"Because the narrowness of life had taken its final harrow on the sparrow that got struck by an arrow, I wished it a safe afterlife, hoping his pain was shallow".

and then, Mellow Fellow and friend left to catch tea to a mellow sunset, sipping lightly sugared earl grey while dipping biscuits in tea, till its texture turned mellow, as Friend played cello.

Convieniently, whilst having a good time; they forgot about plans to bury The Sparrow That Got Hit By Ugly Arrow, which minutes after they left, got run over harrowly by a wheel barrow.

Moral. Corn is everywhere. Beware. Check feet before and after entering any premises. Smell to ensure. Properly.
   posted by rudi at 10:06 AM

   Wednesday, April 09, 2003  
shit. i gotta expand my links too. This isn't well at all.
   posted by rudi at 3:26 AM  
wait. isn't reccomended spelt recommended instead?
ay, these thoughts have funky grammar. eggcellante.
   posted by rudi at 3:25 AM  
need. people. to. reccomend me. good. music. arg. sux.

you know you've run out of ideas when you decide to download Rod Stewart's live album.

first cut is the deepest. oooooh, such a nice goth sentence to end off a blog with.....
   posted by rudi at 3:22 AM

   Saturday, March 22, 2003  
new deftones album drops may 20th. May the angels bring us good music amongst this massively cruise-missled rubble.
   posted by rudi at 5:08 AM

   Tuesday, March 18, 2003  
lemme reintroduce this website to you, just for fun.

I am (me). You are (reader). I hope you like my (website colour). I feel compelled to tell (reader) a (not so funny, but hopefully you'll smile at least) joke, offer some (metaphorical) tea. Hopefully a nice image of (me) will form in (your) mind. After that, i won't mind if (reader) leaves this website, after a (favourable) impression is made.
My email is (around_d_fur@hotmail.com). Suggest (me) a good hobby or (something). Thank (reader).

   posted by rudi at 12:14 PM

   Friday, March 07, 2003  
new mindset, new freedoms
bad habits, itching tendencies
old ways serve comfort
the future serves as a wonder
i am proud of this growth
we are sad it deduced to this
but to feel fortune better,
things must be lost.
Finding solace in scared
we overstayed our welcome
an impact was made
a decision is done.
Fresh wind blows in
despite the battle not won
We thought this together
we saw things through
I made this,
I break this.
Shattered glass will be the collage,
of how we followed ourselves into a mirage
   posted by rudi at 10:30 AM

   Wednesday, February 19, 2003  
if i wasn't so damn confused about my state of being, i could have lapsed into depression. :)
   posted by rudi at 4:03 AM

   Tuesday, February 11, 2003  
English is my first language, malay is far 2nd. Unless you consider me speaking in a very fast semi-mumble a language of its own. Sorry lah rene, was just trying to pull a Werner on ya.
   posted by rudi at 8:04 AM  
English is my first language, malay is far 2nd. Unless you consider me speaking in a very fast semi-mumble a language of its own. Sorry lah rene, was just trying to pull a Werner on ya.
   posted by rudi at 8:04 AM

   Wednesday, February 05, 2003  
I think i consumed some Paiste Cymbal Cleaner by accident while cleaning cymbals. Hope not. Tastes bitter. I don't wanna lose braincells godammit. NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
If i collapse now, at least i die happy cuz i finally got myself a Nelly Furtado double-disc edition, contrary to my self-imposed mat rock purist music alliegance.
But i don't want leh.

Hey ya noe that girl u know she acts so roughroughrough,
i say turnoffthelights, turnoffthelights
And i said follomefollomefollomedowndowndowndown
till ya see all my dreams,
not everything in this magikal world is quaaaAAAAAHAhait what is it seeeemsssssss
   posted by rudi at 12:31 PM

   Sunday, January 26, 2003  
i think i am running at an overall efficiency rate of 50%-ish.
out of the remaining 50%, i think 20% is controlled by laziness,
25% is controlled by fear of failure and the last 5% is because spend more time thinking and blogging about this than actually doing it.

That makes me a semi-hypocrite. More efficient than a regular hyprocrite, not reliant enough to be trusted for consistency.

my goal of the year so far should be to up my efficiency levels to 60%, so at least more than half the things i want to do will be done.
my hard drive needs defragmentation. clear the mind.

I am Caligula, glutton of gluttons.
   posted by rudi at 10:42 PM

   Thursday, January 23, 2003  
God bless Zwan

"Honestly" Zwan.

I believe
I believe the love you talk about with me
is it true, do I care
honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside
but it's you that you erase

'cause there's no place that I could be without you
it's too far to discard the life I once knew
honestly, all the weather storms are bringing
are just a picture of my dreams
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I feel loved, this honestly

I believe you mean the best that life can bring
I believe in it all
honestly, you can try
your heart is just as long as mine
is it ours to let go

'cause there's not place that I could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life I once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I'll make a joke so you must laugh
I'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
I don't know, honestly
I don't know, this honestly

there's no place that I could be without you

there's no place that I could be without you
there's no place that I could gleam without you
there's no place that I could dream without you
there's no place that I could be without you
   posted by rudi at 1:08 PM

   Sunday, January 12, 2003  
'I really don't know; about what you're gonna do'
'me too'
'doesn't that freak you out?'
'heh, now that you mention it... it's kinda exciting'
'wait, doesn't this scare you?'
'how do you deal with not knowing?'
'i don't know'
   posted by rudi at 1:45 PM

   Friday, January 10, 2003  
...was just thinking how lucky i am.

chilly nights, warm blankets
mild flu, hot soup,
runny nose, soft tissue
damp head, long shower,
wet ears, nice music,
constant sneezing, good friends (especially you),
shivering knee's, clean bedsheets,
mild disorientation, embracing pillows,
sleepless nights, comforting photographs
dry throat, warm mug of tea
fidgety fingers, 2 wonderful guitars.

thank you. I mean it. :)

up next : someone to love. i think i know who it might be, but i'll just have to see.
   posted by rudi at 10:51 AM

   Wednesday, January 01, 2003  
i am not too good a person.
therefore i'll resolve to try.
And in trying, i will become closer to being.
and when being, i will gain comfort,
and when i gain comfort, i develop laziness,
and laziness will be my downfall.

happy new year. do good.
   posted by rudi at 7:23 AM

   Monday, December 23, 2002  
there don't seem to be a better time of year
when the christmas evening draws to a near.
   posted by rudi at 10:25 PM

   Saturday, December 21, 2002  
Two towers issa great movie yo.
   posted by rudi at 5:04 AM  
"Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching." - Mark Twain
   posted by rudi at 5:02 AM

   Wednesday, December 18, 2002  
Gandalf has rebonded hair!
Legolas is kewl!

wHeEEEEEEEEEEHeEhEeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!QKDFlsjofdslka hgjklarhtl4bhwzrthkbj elhzjrh3vaQrbaui3t5ibmzp;u j2%#^%$ htoirehtnepwbo%rh

   posted by rudi at 11:02 AM

   Tuesday, December 17, 2002  
blogging the blogsite to update my blog. I'm gonna get a pet and call it it Blog. Then when it shits, its shit will be called Blog's blog.

lunchBox has upcoming gig. must come. substation gardens. gggggooooooooood shittttt. not enough practice. must check out new songs.
1 is very intense. 1 is abit wierd. Damn man, must make more sexy songs. But then sexy songs need appropriate inspiration. mmmmm.
   posted by rudi at 11:04 PM

   Sunday, December 15, 2002  
someone sent me a card from seattle. I'm gonna send a card back. I hope she doesn't find out about my plans to do this though. * hee. hee. giggle. kekeke.*
   posted by rudi at 12:23 AM  
and now, musical poetry.

dum dum dumdumdum, tada dadum, tada dadum, dum dum dumdumdum, tada dadum, tada dadum.
pam pada da dum, pa dum, pa dum, pa dadadada dadada, PUM PA DUM. (oh yeah) padumpadumpadumpadumpadum PADUMPADUMPADUMPADUMDUM

'humming, then drumming' by yours truely.
   posted by rudi at 12:22 AM

   Sunday, December 08, 2002  
red hot chilli peppers. baybeats. 2 in one. nice. sweet. redesigned lunchBox webpage. mmmm. whatcha think? retitled my blog too. needed a more emo theme. Makes everything seem more drama.
   posted by rudi at 1:21 PM

   Monday, December 02, 2002  
i could swear that Sophie Ellis Bextor reminds me of someone i know. but for e life of me, i really really really can't recall who exactly it is.
   posted by rudi at 12:58 PM

   Wednesday, November 27, 2002  
argh. my holidays seem to be turning into a senseless repetition of the previous day.
Wake up, computer, lunch, guitar, computer, phone (time of this activity varies), out to buy magazine/coffee/battery (which doubles up as excercise/music listening), home, guitar, computer, dinner, music, tv, sleep.
every 2-4 times a week i'll make it a point to go out with my friends/band to somewhere beyond the east side of singapore, like town or something to get a change of enviroment and make appreciate home better. Other exceptions include jamming, playing (not-so-decent-but-i-might-just-beat-u-if-you-think-i-suck) pool, and
actually, come to think of it, it ain't entirely bad.

recommend me a new hobby to take up leh.
finger cramp

   posted by rudi at 5:02 AM

   Saturday, November 23, 2002  
god knows when was e last time i was doing something that i really wanted to do.
but i don't know what i want to do.
and i'm kinda sure i won't have the opportunity to do it soon,
even if i do find out what it is i wanna do.
oh my.
ah well.
   posted by rudi at 9:16 AM

   Wednesday, November 13, 2002  
my holidays have started. mine. not yours. But i'll spread the mood to ya if ye like.
I do not feel obliged to do anything except catch Harry Potter and the Two Towers.
Besides from that, i am not obliged to do anything.
Watch me. I now excercise my lack of obligation to do anything.


*hangs up sign*
   posted by rudi at 11:49 AM

   Saturday, October 26, 2002  

What guitar are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

waittasec... i have that guitar... just the epiphone version, which issa budget model... freaky coincidence
   posted by rudi at 1:13 PM  
Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww yeeeaaaaaaa

You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolinnnnnnnnn',
I'm gonna send you back to schoolinnnnnnn',
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I'm gonna give you my love,
I'm gonna give you maaaaaiiiiiii LLLOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

*Wanna Whole Lotta Love (X4)

Way down inside... womannnnnnnnnnnnn... You need... loveeeeEEEEEEE.

Shake for me, girl. I wanna be your backdoor man.

OOOOOOOhhhhhhh yeaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta' Love (macho man Randy Savage 'ooooooh yeaa' remix)
   posted by rudi at 12:04 AM

   Wednesday, October 23, 2002  
...So Did's and So Does....

Stevie Ray Vaughan made music that mattered to him. So does Incubus. So did Jimi Hendrix. So does Glassjaw. So did Led Zeppelin. So does Deftones. So did Smashing Pumpkins. So does Hundred Reasons. So did At the Drive-in. (so does sparta/mars volta?)

got me wondering just a lil.
Do i?

danke. not too sure. hope i do.

i still can't believe you saw the strokes. argh.... welll...... i saw plain sunset! ha HAH!.... still... wanna trade places? short while? can? pls? PLEEES? ;(

I swear, the term 'local band' over there and over have different magnitudes.
   posted by rudi at 4:28 AM

   Monday, October 14, 2002  
Ah, post instant mee incident, 3 strands of hair fell out... could be a sign...
ah well, u know, as they say,

'every day a little death' ......................

(hello 'rene)
   posted by rudi at 10:34 AM  
I once had a favourite brand of instant mee.

Consumed once or twice weekly, this funky packet provided a small portion of noodle, which was just a tad less than ample for a snack, in turn leaving the lil unfilled chamber in my stomache craving for just a lil bit more.

It was a fun food, a bit more serious than potato chips (which gets kinda boring before u can completely fill yourself), and more appealing/convienient than walking across the road to purchase 'proper' food from the hawker center. Plus it provided the body with such funky substances like MSG, flavour enhancer's and freeze dried onions that taste like salted rubber!

Then today happened.

Dinner time. Empty wallet. Parents overseas.

Logically speaking, the consumption of 2 portions of your favourite mee would be twice as heavenly as consuming 1 sacred packet right? Fuk no.

I can feel my brain saturating as type this in, my tongue is getting dry, my bunghole is threating to scream bloody murder.

I once had a favourite brand of instant mee.

pardon me while i purge.
   posted by rudi at 6:15 AM

   Saturday, October 12, 2002  
"Jan lays down and wrestles in her sleep,
moonlight spills on comics books, superstars and magazines.
An old friend calls and tells us where to meet,
a plane takes off from Baltimore and touches down on Burbon Street.

We sit outside and argue all night long,
about a god we've never seen but never fails to side with me.
Sunday comes and all the papers say
'Mother Theresa joined the mob and she's happy with her full time job'

Am I alive as my thoughts all drift away?
Does summer come for everyone, can humans do what prophets say?
If i die before i learn to speak
would money pay for all the days, lived awake yet half asleep

A life is time, to teach you growing up
the seconds ticking killed us all, a million years before the fall
We ride the waves, but we don't ask where to go
We swim like lions thru the crest,
bathing ourselves in zebra flesh.

I've been downhearted babe, ever since the day we met."

Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in my Hand
Primitive Radio God
   posted by rudi at 3:52 AM